I'M GETTING MARRIED.
Ahh! I love getting to say those words.
A lot of little girls dream of their wedding day. They've got the whole day planned out, their dress, their flowers, and having their dad walk them down the aisle.
As a little girl and even into my college years, I never really experienced that dream. Of course I knew I wanted to get married and wanted to have a husband. I just didn't day dream of what the day would be like! I didn't have that exciting feeling that my other friends were having. In fact, I didn't really understand why my girl friends were even talking about it in college, let a lone getting engaged.
The dream I had growing up was what it would like to be a mom. I loved that feeling, it excited me. I would daydream in class on what kind of mom I would be, what traditions my family would create for ourselves, how I would decorate their nurseries and rooms, even to what their names would be. Still, more than a lot of things–I desire to be a mom.
Several months ago, I was driving down the interstate traveling back home. I had this unknown feeling – this feeling that I wanted to be a wife. Not only a wife–but Andrew's (my fiancé's) wife. I already knew I loved him and that I didn't want to be without him. But now I couldn't help to just picture being a wife to him and no longer a girlfriend. What our wedding day would be like, what kind of dress I would wear, what our first dance song would be. I knew for a while that Andrew had already felt these feelings and was just waiting for me to be ready for marriage as he was. All these feelings rushed over me and I couldn't help to smile the entire way home.
....
Fast forward later...these feelings didn't go away. In fact, they became stronger. And as you may have guessed, Andrew and I got engaged on December 9th, 2017. :)
Ever since the proposal, I have been kind of living on cloud nine. I started to quickly understand why my friends loved talking about their weddings, why it was so exciting. I got it. It clicked. I get to wake up in the morning and ask myself, what do I get to plan today?! From catering, to colors, to booking a photographer, wedding dress shopping, it is all so fun. Overwhelming but fun. But the best part of all is that I know at the end of my wedding day, I get to be Andrew's wife.
Now that the sappy part is over. ;) I have to tell you something.
The second you start to find your identity in your spouse or significant other, is when you begin to loose.
I love Andrew. I want the best for Andrew. I really do. I want to look at him as Christ looks at him. And I know that he loves me. I know he has my best intentions at heart. But guys... we screw up. There has been plenty of times where we've been mean and hurtful towards each other. We've said spiteful words we don't mean, we've ignored each other, have been selfish, and safe to say we're human. We love each other, but man we cannot be Jesus for each other.
When I believe I am not good enough, start to feel sorry for myself because Andrew didn't call me "beautiful" that day and homegirl here was feeling down, ugly, and just really needed to hear those words–I am finding my identity in Andrew, not the Lord. Because the Lord loves me, knitted me together in my mother's womb, and died for me, I know he finds me beautiful every second of everyday. Because I am a child of God, I can find my identity in him.
I want to be wanted. I want to be desired. I think it's pretty much human nature to feel these things. And even though being Andrew's girlfriend is a pretty sweet gig, he's not my savior. He can support me and love me (And he does), but he in no way will save me like the Lord can. He cannot give me a complete satisfaction in my heart, nor can I with him.
Guys. You have a God that loves you. That cares for you, one that wants you to find your identity in him. I know the Lord blessed me with the desire to be a wife, and someday will bless me with the opportunity to be a mother.
Don't forget that your all in all satisfaction, contentment, your purpose in life comes from our everlasting Lord.
Now that the sappy part is over. ;) I have to tell you something.
The second you start to find your identity in your spouse or significant other, is when you begin to loose.
I love Andrew. I want the best for Andrew. I really do. I want to look at him as Christ looks at him. And I know that he loves me. I know he has my best intentions at heart. But guys... we screw up. There has been plenty of times where we've been mean and hurtful towards each other. We've said spiteful words we don't mean, we've ignored each other, have been selfish, and safe to say we're human. We love each other, but man we cannot be Jesus for each other.
When I believe I am not good enough, start to feel sorry for myself because Andrew didn't call me "beautiful" that day and homegirl here was feeling down, ugly, and just really needed to hear those words–I am finding my identity in Andrew, not the Lord. Because the Lord loves me, knitted me together in my mother's womb, and died for me, I know he finds me beautiful every second of everyday. Because I am a child of God, I can find my identity in him.
I want to be wanted. I want to be desired. I think it's pretty much human nature to feel these things. And even though being Andrew's girlfriend is a pretty sweet gig, he's not my savior. He can support me and love me (And he does), but he in no way will save me like the Lord can. He cannot give me a complete satisfaction in my heart, nor can I with him.
Guys. You have a God that loves you. That cares for you, one that wants you to find your identity in him. I know the Lord blessed me with the desire to be a wife, and someday will bless me with the opportunity to be a mother.
Don't forget that your all in all satisfaction, contentment, your purpose in life comes from our everlasting Lord.
